Dr. Betsy Charles gave an inspiring presentation to DVM students on November 9. She touched on difficult topics, including shame, perfectionism, and worthiness, and showed us how these emotions are connected within our lives. Drawing from experts, she helped nearly 50 attendees to define these emotions, and challenged each of us to make connections in our own lives.

I consider myself a very happy person, but veterinary school has taken my self-confidence to uncharted places. I have always struggled with an apprehension to try new things for fear of failing, but I have been aware of this self-imposed limitation for some time. I like to think I have made headway as I improve upon dealing with the possibility of failure as a welcome challenge, not a road block.

Since I have started this journey of self-improvement, however, I discovered a wholly new and terrifying concept—failing at something I never thought I would. I’ve joked with friends that school is my happy place, that I picked veterinary school simply because I wanted four more years of education. As it turns out, veterinary school is not just four more years of school. It is four of the most challenging years of your life, and when I failed an exam during my first semester, it brought a sense of defeat that I’d never experienced before.

I feel fortunate to have loving parents and friends in my life. Looking at that exam grade, I didn’t feel like I had the right to fail with such a wonderful support group available to me. Dr. Charles helped me realize that what I felt was shame, the “intensely painful feeling of believing that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.” I realize now that while it’s healthy to strive for a better grade, beating myself up over a less than perfect score isn’t productive. My motivation needs to come from a place of healthy striving as opposed to a search for validation of my worthiness. As long as I try my hardest and continue to improve, I am worthy of being here, and no one should ever feel ashamed for trying their best.